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Terrible twos.

Apr. 10th, 2015 | 05:12 pm

Sometimes toddlers suffer from being two years old. It lasts for about a year; usually around 365 days. This condition can be very traumatic for everyone involved, including passers-by and older or younger siblings. Luckily, it does not affect all toddlers in the same way, nor always continually (ie, twentyfour hours a day, seven days a week). Symptoms include; large amounts of frustation and other intense emotions being expressed in the form of screaming, rolling around on the ground and the violent flailing of limbs; a repulsion to being handled in any form, by any individual; and being completely incapacitated by said-states for lengthy duration of time.

All these can make life exceedingly trying, and I am finally realising that everything just will take four times as long. There is no two ways about it.

She is still my lovely baby girl however, and is generally not terrible. Just learning and experiencing new things every day.

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My hair

Jun. 12th, 2014 | 09:54 pm
mood: excitedexcited

I am going to make my hair dreadlocked again. I have decided.

So many things have changed in my way of thinking this past year. Funny that. Some things aren't really that important, and some things I'm still experimenting with. Like growing my nails. The only way it has been possible has been for me to continually have nail varnish on them, because seeing the white bit of the nail COMPLETELY GROSSES ME OUT. So as long as I keep them bad boys covered, they will continue to grow.

It's just to see what it's like to have long nails, really. And I know that at some point I will have had enough and will bite the fish off of them and be back at square one, but not minding it at all. And then maybe I would start the whole process again. It's a similar thing with my hair, although I've thought this way for years now. It grows back pretty quickly, so who cares if I shave some or most of it off? Or dye it? So yeah.

I was thinking that because now I'm pregnant my hair will be growing more and probably thicker, it would be a good time to get started with a few dreads. Obviously the back bits are too short to have anything done to them, but it's just a matter of time. And Jack said he doesn't mind, as long as I don't look like a man. And I won't, so it's fine.

Maybe I have too much time on my hands, or I just love procrastinating, but ah well. Who minds. Things get done. Just a little bit later than they would if I wasn't married, with a kid and pregnant. Har har.

I'm loving that excuse again, by the bye. It's great. Unfortunately Jack doesn't buy it much this time around. As if pregnancy gets easier each time you go through it... Men.

So, I may or may not start the dreads tonight, but there will be photographs!

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Toothpaste kisses

May. 20th, 2014 | 04:50 pm
mood: exhaustedexhausted

It has been forever since I wrote here.

Let's start again.

There's going to be another set of little feet pattering through the flat by the end of the year. How crazy is that?? I'm kind of surprised by my body that it managed to get pregnant, again, relatively quickly. Go body, you rock! Anyway, it is a scary thought as well. Janna is going through a phase, shall we say, of being rather difficult, so I am finding it daunting that I will have to deal with her and another little, tiny one who will need me constantly. At least by that time Janna will be more independent and able to do things by herself a little more. But, like I said, she seems to be going through a phase of being grumpy, whiny and generally not very happy or willing to be without me. WHICH IS SO FRUSTRATING. Because I am feeling nauseous and exhausted, and just wanting her not to clamber all over me and kick me in the face and pull my hair and expose my breasticulars to the world... She doesn't know that though. It's not malicious. That's what I keep on telling myself. It isn't. She's too young to be malicious.

She won't know what hit her, come December. Luckily, the other side of the family (the side I'm related by marriage to) will be coming up here for Christmas. That will mean lots of stress for me, having just had a baby, but it will be good having the extra hands for looking after and entertaining Janna. I'm actually quite looking forward to Christmas this year, not least because of all the family that will, God-willing, be around me. I love family.

Poor Janna, she is really struggling today. Another thing that's really cute and hard not to laugh at her about is how frustrated she now gets when she can't do things. She used to just kind of shrug her shoulders and move on to something else, but now it's really distressing to her that she can't hold every single pen she can find in one hand, or push her Little Tykes car through the tiny gap between the sofa and the door. She is so cute.

So today has been quite depressing. Her being weird and difficult to handle, me feeling ill and tired, Jack being not studying and me feeling sad for some reason. It makes everything so much flipping harder. I haven't done nearly any of the things that I needed to get done today. Except wash the nappies, which have now been sitting in the washing machine for more than 3 hours, waiting for me to hang them out. And the washing up desperately needs to be done; it is starting to smell really unpleasant in the kitchen...

Me? Oh yes, I am the Ultimate Domestic Goddess.


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Don't stop me now...

Dec. 2nd, 2013 | 09:12 pm
mood: mellowmellow

So, meh.

I really feel like I should go and do some chores. The bathroom, for one, is in dire need of a good clean. However, this sleeping beauty lying next to me will not allow it. And so, here I lie also, not asleep, frustrated to a small degree, but mainly just enjoying chilling out while she sleeps away.

Nothing has changed, but as we all know, some days are better than others. That is why today hasn't been such a drag, you see. We've been babysitting, to the post office, and to the supermarket today. Some things have been accomplished, which is great. I even wrote a little list and ticked off some of the items written down. But now I actually want to go and accomplish some more things, and am finding myself physically, rather than mentally incapable of doing so. How ironic.

Tomorrow I have an early morning appointment with my doctor to discuss my medication and life in general. She's a nice woman, pretty young, I would say. Not as young as me, but then again, professionals never are. Anyway, I am expecting an awkward and difficult conversation with her, which will be rather unpleasant, but necessary nonetheless. 'Tis the way it goes.

We have to start thinking about packing for our little trip down to England soon. It is difficult to believe that it is already the 2nd of December. Where did the year go?! The wee one is nearly a year old now! Boy, it's crazy. And it'll be her first Christmas outside the womb as well. That'll be very exciting. I think everyone else will find it more exciting than she will, but ah well. I shall try to take lots of photographs to document the day(s).

She is going to look very cute in the party dress her grandad picked out for her though! Grandads, eh? Gotta love 'em. They are *rather* cute. 

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(no subject)

Nov. 30th, 2013 | 11:55 am
mood: exhaustedexhausted

Since having changed medication, life has gotten steadily more and more difficult. Some days are ok, usually the ones when Jack is around, but others are just... awful. The thing with antidepressants is that they take a few weeks to kick in, as it were, so when one is starting a new one, there is always a period when things get worse before they get better. This happened with my old medication when I stopped and started it again, so I've had experience with this phenomenon before. But there is a chance that this new medication won't work for me, that it might not be effective for stabilizing my mood, which is just great. So I might be having these 'all-time lows', and not even be going to get any kind of stabilization afterwards.

It's been around 3 weeks now, and there is still no sign of anything settling down. I'm really tired of feeling so awful. The amount of energy I spend trying to get things done, trying to control my thoughts and look after myself and the wee one is vast, so I am continually exhausted as well. Some days I just want to stay in bed under the covers. I wish I could cry, but I am not able to.

There are so many things that need to be done in the flat, housework-wise. But I am failing with keeping up with it all. I've not done anything for several days now. Some days I will be able to get a couple of things done, but not nearly enough for the flat not to look like an absolute pig-sty. So much for domestic goddess. I feel really awful about that, which then just feeds into my depression, and makes me even less likely to get up and do anything about it. I just want to sleep.

I've got to break out of this cycle somehow. Medication isn't the solution; it might be able to assist me some part of the way, but it won't solve my problem. There has to be a change in my mind. I remember when I was 18, the doctors would say that until I really wanted to get better, no one or nothing could make me better. That seems to be the problem here. Do I really want to get better?

Of course I do!

Then why am I stuck in this cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows? Why can't I break out of this thought process that is dragging me down to uselessness? I need help, because I cannot do this by myself. I don't have enough strength. 

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So busy.

Oct. 30th, 2013 | 03:33 pm
mood: accomplished

We have moved house, country and lifestyle. It's all good; been difficult, but it is so worth it! Starting our family life somewhere completely different and fresh is amazing.

Now I just need to get me and the wee one into a routine... That's the real challenge. Let's see how it goes!

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Grumpy guts

May. 14th, 2013 | 11:51 am

Poor little baby has a snuffly nose, a weepy eye, and has just had three immunisations. Not a happy bunny at all. No indeed. Poor baby.

Oh me, oh my. I would really like to go to university next year. Why, you ask? Well, because I'm incredibly interested in what I want to study. Ancient languages like Hebrew, Greek and Latin? Oh yes. And, being able to read biblical texts in their original language? YES please. Anything to be able to understand God and His character more.

It does seem like something that I need to do.

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Eyes half-open

May. 6th, 2013 | 11:16 pm
mood: indifferentindifferent

Too much Red Bull

It's getting late. My hands have gotten really dry recently because of the warm weather and all the washing up that I'm now doing. So the housewife picture is beginning to come together for me, it makes more sense and seems possible. Most days it does, anyway. And on the days where it doesn't, I just force myself to do it regardless. It's the only way.

This daughter of mine is absolutely amaze-balls and I love her to bits. Can't wait to have another kid. Well, it's funny how I can't remember what contractions feel like, but can remember what it's like giving birth. Squeezing out the thing is pretty ouchy, however, I wish to once more be with child, at the nearest possible junction. That's when husbands come in handy.

I so could have made that last sentence a complete innuendo rush, but shall refrain from doing so. Although, now that I've mentioned that I could've, I basically have. Ah well.

This isn't really going anywhere worthwhile. I'm going to pack it in.


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Gosh, is that the time?

Jan. 11th, 2013 | 06:08 am
mood: melancholymelancholy

Getting a tad worried about my husband at the moment. He hates his job, but there's nothing we can do about it. It's so awful when you have no career and are so young. I keep on trying to tell him that until university is finished with, neither of us will have a decent job, and menial jobs are to be expected, but that doesn't help him at this time in the morning when he has to go. At least he has a job. Hopefully he'll get paternity leave once the baby's born, which will be jolly amazing and lovely. He's looking forward to that. 

I love him so much, just got to pray that we can get through this year all right together.

Also realising that I've got about 6 letters to write. Well, I suppose there's no time like the present...


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House visit

Jan. 3rd, 2013 | 11:49 am


We are nearly there now, you know. Give it a couple more weeks, and there'll be another one of us around. Maybe, anyway. If all goes well and dandy. We shall see. 

The sky is rather grey and voluminous. It's relatively reassuring to me; the same old familiar background of Britain. Lovely. Dull, but yes. 

The washing needs to be hung out now. 

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